In the Beginning....

My name is Cindi.  I am 40 years old.  I was born in Madison, Wisconsin.  My mother was a hairdresser and my father was a truck driver.  I was the youngest born but the only child to this marriage.  My father was killed in an accident in January, 1976 less than a month after my 3rd birthday. Less than a year later, my mom moved us from Wisconsin to Sullivan, Illinois.  I grew up here and consider this my hometown.  I don't remember living anywhere else.

I was married in October for 1990 and graduated in May of 1991.  I had promised my mother that I would graduate even though I was going to be married prior to my graduation.  In November of 1993, we had our first daughter and in October of 1996 we had our second daughter.  A surprise came along in November 2000 in the form of our only son.  I have been active with them but not as active as I should have been.  When I was in high school I felt I was "fat" but looking back I was at the ideal weight then for my weight! I felt that way because society shows stick thin women as the ideal size.  I didn't make it into the Singers group because the teacher then basically was prejudiced against heavier girls.  I'm happy to see the group has changed over the years and some of the bigger girls are involved in the groups now.

To me, eating a social and emotional thing to do.  I tend to visit with friends over a meal.  Usually this is a fast food meal because of money.  I also eat when I am bored, upset, tired, etc.  I know this. I need to make myself fight against this "abuse" to my body.  I don't think I am the only one in this situation looking around at others but then I see some of them make the changes they need and wonder to myself why they can and I can't.  They have better self control. That is what it boils down too.  I don't think I eat more than others even though I am heavier than them.

I have tried different ways to loose weight. I have tried it on my own. I have tried it with help of friends on our own. I have joined TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) multiple times.  I started this group the first time as a early teen and 3 times as an adult.  As I appreciate the friendships I have made, I never truly was accountable.  I never followed a diet program strictly.  I did make some strides towards loosing but then something in my life would happen.  I'd use it as an excuse and the next thing I would know is I had put the weight back on. Sometimes even more than I had lost.  Last night I joined Weight Watchers.  I went to my first meeting.  I was nervous going but a friend went with and also joined.  I got to the meeting and found I knew a few of the ladies there.  I don't know the leader, but that's ok.  She seems nice and knowledgeable about helping us.

I am not setting "resolutions" this year but instead I am setting goals for my life. I am not going to beat myself up if I don't make them completely or even if it takes me longer than a year to reach these goals.  I hope my friends and family will help me as I a strive to reach these goals.

Goals: 
1. Loose weight (not setting an exact amount) 
2. To give more of myself for good causes
3. To learn something new this year
4. To stay as active if not more active than I am now. I will not let these diseases beat me! 
5. To be more organized (paperwork, bills and household) 
6. I want to like me! 

No matter if I reach all these goals, the 6th one is most important if I reach the others or not! I always felt like to accomplish #6 I have to do the rest of the goals, especially #1 but I know that is not true! I can like myself just for being myself.  I can only better myself from here.